almost
sometimes i wonder, the very thing that i wished for, was it good for me in the long run or just a temporary remedy to my aching feelings?
i have never known to be a great decision-maker. if it's the wrong one, with hindsight, i shouldn't have decided the way i did. regrets build, and i'm left with the consequences of my resolve.
i am a series of almost; almost dead, almost there, almost loved.. until i am not. all in all, it's just the results of my decisions, and there's no one else to blame.
of course there's no one else; i have never been an important person in anyone's lives and i'm not expecting myself to be anytime soon, or in the future for that matter. for sure in the past folks did mentioned that i'm an important person in their lives but it's all words now. i'm important to me and that's all i care about.
but goddamn, it hurts. it hurts when i'm almost hired for a job. it hurts when i became the backup plan. it hurts when i am the second choice. it hurts when i'm just a rebound. it fucking hurts.
but i signed up for this; it's not like anyone put a gun over my head, so i have to live with it, no?
"he who has a why to live can bear almost any how"
-- friedrich nietzsche