completely undeserved
previously published on livejournal, september 2006
i was wondering; have my words hurt you so? if it is, then forgive me, for my words are my own. i know my words are like daggers, but they cut me too.
i mentioned before that my dreams are a premonition. perhaps. now it comes in three stages, almost every time when i shut my eyes and try to get some sleep.
the surreal nightmare, the memory, the rage.
i noticed, but i chose not to pay any attention to it, because the meaning will turn out to be the same. "past, hurt, conflict, aggressiveness, sexuality". the same keywords again. it's not important, nothing is more important than now; the present. the past already took place, and the future is so far away.
i am holding a rusty double-barreled gun in my hand. i am now shooting furiously, until the bullet slots is empty. shooting at nothing. the gun is a metaphor of what i really feel inside.
i have won the battle in the forgotten city of my own mind.
it's the question that plague me, where have i gone wrong?
how i wish i can comprehend all of this.
be careful of what you wished for, or you might just get it
i don't want to be careful anymore.
i wish i don't have a heart.