love letter for Luna
when 2023 dawned on me, you were sick. your butt were swollen and fecal matter leaked out. you were unable to clean yourself, so you need help in that department. i had to forcefed you since you're not eating.
i sent you to the vet one last time, the bill costs me RM90; and i'm already poor from unemployment. they said they can't do anything, i have to send you to the hospital for blood tests and xray. since i've been taking Solty to hospital almost on a monthly basis now, i know your bill will costs me around RM500.
i'm really sorry. i don't know how else i can find that much money. my job hunt resulted in 90% rejection letter or radio silence on the employer's side. i was poor, miserable and desperate. i don't know how else i can take care of you except to give you the love and attention you deserved.
that weekend when i'm out with my friends, you started eating on your own, so i thought you're getting better. maybe it's a digestive problem, afterall. unfortunately on monday i had to forcefed you again since you refused to eat.
i woke up on tuesday with my mom's face shrouded in misery, you're immobile but still breathing. i rushed you to the hospital emergency room with zero money in my bank account. they gave you immediate care, and told me your chance for survival was 50-50. i told the vet i took the 50 percent. i frantically contacted a couple of friends and they wire me some money. you had to be hospitalized for a week and your bill was more than RM1K and i had to pay half of it as a deposit. at that moment i'm just thankful that i have friends whose willing to help me financially.
i went home, slightly relieved that now you're getting medical attention. at around 8pm that night, dr. J from the vet hospital called me and informed me that you had just died. my heart broke into pieces. i know you're very old, maybe around 18 years and your chances for survival was pretty slim but i want you here, alive and well and in my arms purring.
i went to the hospital the next day to pick up your corpse. they wrapped you up nicely and put you in a freezer to prevent you from rotting. when i got home, i immediately unwrap you and let your other four furry friends smell you, so that they know that you're gone. Comot licked your face. i guess Comot really loves you. we all do. i was unable to sleep for the next few days after i buried you. i had to take xanax, otherwise i'll be zombified from the lack of sleep.
i'm sorry i didn't give you a quick medical attention when you're sick. you don't deserve that. i tried almost everyday looking for a job but unfortunately it's not producing results and you had to bear the consequences of my poverty. i don't know what else to say to you but i'm sorry, i'm sorry, and i'm sorry, and unfortunately this doesn't bring you back.
i love you. you're one of my best cat. you loved me unconditionally, you always gave me warm cuddles and wet sloppy kisses. nobody could ever loved me the way you loved me. now i have to tread my life daily without you by my side, and i don't know how to deal with that. i love you and again, i'm sorry.
hopefully you'll get to cross the rainbow bridge safely and enjoy your life with other cats on the other side of the world. i'm sure they all will love you. i sure did.
Luna
200? - 17th january 2023
chronic kidney disease