love letter for Solty
hello solty my love, how are you doing across the rainbow bridge? i hope you're happy and reunited with your best friend, luna.
took me months to write this to you. losing two senior cats in a span of five months was extremely painful to me. when luna's passing was unexpected, yours were predicted by the doctor more than a full year before you left me. i'd like to think that i'm prepared mentally, but honestly one will never be ready to let go of a loved ones no matter how much one prepared for it.
the tumor on your nose started growing. no amount of antibiotics or anti-inflammatory drug will stop it. the only way to diagnose your tumor was through CATscan (a cat going through a CATscan? how ironic), but i couldn't afford RM800 for the process. i was hopeful still, maybe i can raise the money after all; but your final blood test was nail in the coffin for the both of us. you're probably twenty years old by now and you're at the early stage of kidney failure. you're too old to even survive the anesthetic procedure.
there was nothing else to do but to love you and feed you until the end of your days. you're getting weaker; a few weeks before you left me i had to feed you using a syringe because the tumor made it impossible for you to chew your food.
i woke up on 23rd of may, my routine was set from months before; checking in on you before i start my day. i was looking for you when i stumbled upon you lying lifeless on the floor. i called out frantically to my mom, she told me you were okay and walking around earlier that morning. i picked you up and to my surprise, you started breathing heavy and still alive. i wrapped you in a blanket and carried you like a new born. you were dying; the thought of putting you down weighed heavy on my mind but i know it's the right thing to do. i don't want to you to suffer anymore. i managed to get hold of your doctor and she said i can bring you to the hospital at 2:30pm.
all those time i was just cradling you in my arms, gave you something to drink through a syringe; anything to make you comfortable. i arrived at the hospital and the doctor was ready. she said i can leave the room but i refused. i wanted to stay with you until the end; holding your cute paws until the light of your life left your eyes.
it's over. your suffering is over.
thank you for everything you've done for me. you're the best independent cat ever. i don't know how to live without you, but i'll try okay? god, i'm trying but it's so hard. my life is so fucking hard now without you.
i love you, forever and always.
Solty
200? - 23rd may 2023
unknown nasal tumor