remembrance
previously published on livejournal, january 2007
my childhood memories are fading away. i can't seem to remember. in my mind, i can only see the vague picture of my village, and the empty kuala lumpur nights..
i remembered the words that you said a few years back. i remembered it well, every single damn thing. when the clock strikes midnight about 24 hours ago, your words lingered in my head again. i fear that you will become the person you predicted to be. the fear is overwhelming, my hands trembled. you were angry with life, i know. who doesn't?
years had passed, you're still here. you've grown up. i didn't dare to ask, for in my heart, i just wish that you didn't mean what you had said.
"it is, i think, that we are all so alone in what lies deepest in our souls, so unable to find the words, and perhaps the courage to speak with unlocked hearts, that we don't know at all that it is the same with others"
-- sheldon vanauken
2022 EDIT: we're no longer friends by the early 2010. she had to leave malaysia for good. i was angry that she left without saying goodbye to me (i kept it to myself); but how could i not be angry? the last thing she said to me on our final phone call was she missed me and she wanted to cry on my shoulder. i just want my goodbye, that's all i asked for. but she said goodbye in her own way, by purging my existence, deleting me from all her social media, and ultimately, her life.