the signs
the most underrated skill that i have was the ability to sense when someone hates me.
hate is a strong word, but let's use that one for now.
friends talk, so whenever i have a conversation with a friend about another person and the topic comes up, my usual statement would be "i think this person hates me" and as usual my friend will say "no lah i don't think they hate you" in a light, unserious dismissive tone.
but the thing is, how do i explain to my friend that i've seen the signs? the most unfortunate part is that all the signs that i've noticed are non-verbal. of course, who wants to admit in a full view of the public that they hate someone in their friend circle?
growing up in an abusive household sensitized me to signs of resentment, especially non-verbal signs. body language, facial expressions, tone of voice; i'd known right away when someone finds me annoying or hates my guts.
does that made me oblivious to signs of affection or love? absolutely. unless if they tell me that they liked me, i literally will have no idea at all.
i am so easy to get rid of. give me all those negative signs and i'll go away immediately. be it personal or work, i'll drop everything when i see those signs. why would i stay? why would i linger in a space where i'm no longer wanted?
i might as well stay home and sleep or play video games or something. plus, i'm too old to deal with this shit.
"et tu, brutè?"
-- julius caesar