unfriend
close female friendship is something that's hard for me to achieve. whenever i befriended a straight, cis-woman the recurring theme that got replayed over and over again was that i'm falling in love with them. as a lesbian woman that sometimes developed a misanthropic feeling, i can assure you that i don't fall for other people easily.
i met KS during my college days. the normal thing about the place i'm studying at; if you wanna hang out with a friend and they sat with ten other strangers at the same table, after 10 minutes everyone at that table became your friends. which made socializing a little bit easy for me during those times.
KS accepted me for who i am. she's very attractive and we became close. hanging out after class and getting drunk on weekends. i care for her so much and she's as straight as a lamp post and very secure with her sexuality, maybe that's why being her friend was so easy.
she was of indonesian descent but born and raised in germany. after she graduated and moved back to europe, we kept in touch. fb, instagram, skype calls; the distance doesn't really kept us apart. after smartphone existed, we migrated to whatsapp.
the amount of love and support she sent my way during those times i'm recovering from my near-death accident was incredible. every time i was hospitalized, she's one of those friends who consistently checked on me. her mother passed away in 2019 and her close friend in 2021 and it left a gaping hole in her life. what can i do from thousands of miles away? showered her with the love and support she had given me prior.
my struggles post-covid lockdown was everywhere on my instagram stories posts. then one fine day around march this year, without warning, she removed me as her friend from all her social media profiles. maybe my struggles and my call for help was too much for her. now that she's living a comfortable life after marrying a rich white man, maybe she can't relate to whatever that's happening to me anymore. we are of different social class now. i don't blame her, i know i'm not an easiest person to be friends with.
after her mother died, she told me, "live life to the fullest, okay?". i cried. it's something that she don't usually say because we're both party animals and gossip girls. but i'll try.. i'll try to live my life to the fullest, okay?
i'd like to think our chapter ended here. i hope you're well and thank you so much for your decades of love and friendship ❤️
"two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers. perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world"
-- warsan shire